i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
