you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
