It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
