does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
