guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
