i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
