Do you still have your period?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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