The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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