shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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