i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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