I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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