I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
