I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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