True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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