how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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