I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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