I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
