All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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