well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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