I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
