Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
