My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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