he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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