Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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