We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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