Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
