A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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