apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
