so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
