If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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