This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
