The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
