no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
