remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
