just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
