I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
