i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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