My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
