apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
