On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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