id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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