Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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