In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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