How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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