roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
