you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
