he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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