I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize