R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
