I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
