Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
