I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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