her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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