Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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