Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
