i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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