non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
