You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
