It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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