Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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