I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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