Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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