the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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