He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
