i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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