i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
