so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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