Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
