Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
