i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
