She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
